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"You Might Be A Gun Nut If"


-If You've ever dabbed a little Hoppe's on your neck before going on a date...
-If you bought checkering tools, checkered all your gunstocks and are now starting on the bedposts...
-If you cannot really recall just how many guns you own...
-Surplus ammunition suppliers call you to see if there was anything you were looking for...
-If you bought a gun from a gunshop, only to realize you used to own it years ago...
-If you've ever shot out a 1911 barrel.........
-If you save brass and have a case tumbler, but don't reload...
-If you ever stripped the paint off of your car and then blued it
-If you've ever bought ammo for a caliber you didn,t shoot, thinking that someday you might own a gun in that caliber...
-If your computer passwords are gun related...
-If your five-year-old can detail strip and fully reassemble an M-1 Garand............
-If you take your guns out of the safe and handle them, just so you can wipe them down before going to bed...
-If your local gunsmith calls you for obsolete parts...
-If you home-school and use ballistic tables for math lessons...
-If your gun safe is bigger than your refrigerator...
-If the speedometer on your car is in both m.p.h. and fps...
-If you call Brownells and they recognize your voice...
-If you own reloading dies for calibers that you do not shoot...
-If you understand Smith and Wesson's model numbers...
-If you ever bought two different brands of the same bullet just to see which one "shot better"...
-If you've ever had to explain "that it's not the same gun it's a variant!"...
-If watching the Lion King gives you the itch for a .470 Nitro...
-If you cut out your best groups and carry them in your wallet like photos...
-If you've ever gone to a gun show three times in one month, and were excited every time...
-If you feel that a golf course is a willful and deliberate misuse of a perfectly good rifle range...
-If you ever accidentally seasoned a steak with FFFFg black powder...
-If your brass tumbler used to be a small cement mixers.
-If you identify the gun on the cover of Dillon's Blue Press before you notice the girl...
-If you make $30/hr at work and spent 35 min- on your knees at the range looking for that last piece of .40 brass...
-If you have guns in your safes that you can't for the life of you remember how you came by...
-If the FBI asks you to identify firearms they can't...
-If ammo manufacturers had to layoff workers when you went to Europe for a month's vacation...
-If you know the range of every tree in the neighborhood...
-if you can tell the caliber of any spent casing just by feel...
-If you plead with the gun shop to hold a rifle/shotgun until you have space for it...
-If you can't figure out why your non-shooting friends laugh when you say "Bushmaster"...
-If you didn't get that last one because you don't have any "non-shooting" friends...
-If you driver's license says "must wear night vision goggles."
-If your shoulder is callused...
-If manufactures ask you how their rifles hold up.
-If you get misty eyed evey time you sell a gun..
-If you alternate Silvertips, Hydra-Shoks and Black Talons in your magazines because they look prettier that way..........
-If you guess windage and range every time you look at a road sign...
-If you went out to the range this weekend to shoot up ammo, just so you'd have some brass to reload...
-RCBS answers your phone calls, "What have YOU dreamed up this time?"..............

Dear Mr. President,

There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force - Pay them $1 million apiece severance with the following stipulations:

1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.

2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.

3) They either buy a house/pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members in Congress pay their taxes.

New Element Discovered

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element
yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one
neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant
deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that
would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four
years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years; it does not decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to
believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical
morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium , an
element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it
has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

May God help us survive this growing mass before it becomes a black
hole that sucks us all in.

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small
children.

Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the
corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises
the knife, and charges at you.

You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have
mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you
do?.................................


THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN

Democrat's Answer:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

Does the man look poor or oppressed?

Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

Could we run away?

What does my wife think?

What about the kids?

Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of
his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?

Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?

Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does
this send to society and to my children?

Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound
me?

If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while
he was stabbing me?

Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted?

We need to raise taxes to paint and weed the street to make this a
happier and healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for
few days and try to come to a consensus.

Republican's Answer:

BANG!

Texan's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click.....
(Sounds of reloading) BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click
Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips
or Hollow Points?'
Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?'
Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist.'

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog...'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!' Jeeez, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on Bar-B-Q ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or titties. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates wherever he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males (and a few cool chicks) on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being a Major fudge packer.